Long nights

It's 7:00 in the morning. I could not sleep. I'm still awake like yesterday. The clouds are still dark. It will take more time before the sun rises. This is also the same feeling that I have. Ashamed. Confused. Hurt. In a place where nobody accepts me and understands.

I hope winter ends soon. I hope to see more sunlight in my life. God is good and I still trust in Him.

Korea is very beautiful and I will do my best to enjoy it despite what I am going through.

Wala akong maisip na title

Sa loob ng limang minuto ay kailangan ko nang bumaba sa opisina ng dorm na ito para magtrabaho. Ang daming kailangang tapusin pero talagang wala akong kahit katiting na sigla para gumalaw.

Bakit nga ba ako laging naghahanap ng inspirasyon? May sarili naman akong isip, kamay at paa, pero bakit parang lagi akong naghihintay ng biyaya mula sa bukal ng enerhiya?

Gusto kong bumalik sa pagiging matapang, masigla, malikhain, malambing at masipag na "ako". Gusto kong magtiwalang muli sa aking sariling kakayahan. Gusto kong huminga nang maluwag, kumilos ng malaya. Gusto kong maging excited na gumising araw-araw.

Marami akong gustong maramdamang muli. Marami akong gustong balikan, marami ring gustong tapusin. Pero blankong papel ang laman ng utak ko. Nilamukos na blankong papel.

Tik tak tik tak.

Letting Go

Such a very old topic in a world

Full of promises and expectations

Winter is just good in photos

I experienced my first winter snowfall two days ago. It was fun taking photos despite the numb fingers. It was also nice to look at how the snow falls from above.

But aside from these, I can't seem to find anything beautiful with winter. As a warm blooded being, I prefer to hide in my cave and sleep all day long.

These cold days also bring a lot of depression. I'm in a stage of trying to stimulate my mind and push my body to move so I can accomplish my daily goals.

November 16, 2008
11:45pm
Jeju City

These were wishes that I’ve mentioned more than once before but had no clue that they will be granted immediately. It was as if yesterday when I thought that my trip to Korea wouldn’t push through, but here I am, proudly walking the streets of Seoul with my hair permed and with my feet warmed by a pair of boots that I’ll never get to wear in the Philippines.
And now, I’m almost concluding my four nights and four and a half days in Jeju island. I visited my dream museum and filled my eyes with very lovable teddy bears. I enjoyed the water fall sprinkles and the waves of the emerald green seas. I smiled a lot. I didn’t think much (except while I was hiking the more than 9 kilometer trail to the peak of Halla mountain). I laughed to my heart’s delight. I closed my eyes while smelling the island’s scent.
My heart has been badly broken many times in this country and until now, I couldn’t help but sigh deeply every time I encounter a painful memory. But despite the heartaches, the overwhelming love of God through the nature’s beauty never fails to make me grateful.
In reality, I don’t deserve any of these blessings. In a world full of unfinished businesses, unsettled failures and floating future, I actually don’t have the right to enjoy life. And yet I keep on receiving surprise packages, and I eventually recognize that I couldn’t let go of my personal dreams: my heart firmly seizes every silent wish on its way to be bestown.
And then I find myself whispering my yearnings again.
Like going back to Jeju for a sweet honeymoon.

Four days in paradise

This Jeju Island trip is a dream come true to me. God even parted the heavy clouds to give me and my co-exchange student Ron a very memorable tour.

Life has really been good. I just hope this feeling will last more.

Welcoming Pinkee

Finally, I've bought my long wanted Pinkee MSI netbook. I hope we will be very good friends, or rather, sisters.

Friendship Litmus Paper

My stay in Korea has given me a lot of experiences, of deep thinking and conclusion about friendship. I found some key ingredients to forming a litmus paper testing the "authenticity" of a person you call "friend".



Time



I think any stranger around can turn into a good friend depending first on how much you spend time with one another.



Similarity



Liking each other because you like and hate the same things, have the same thoughts, and act the same way obviously draws two people closer to one another.

Memories came flooding in. I have to stop writing, let the frustration and regrets flow like river from my eyes.

Badly needing BLINKERS

I easily get distracted. One moment I'm set towards achieving a goal or forming a habit, but the next minute, I'll be dozing off and laying my goals aside.

I need blinkers (or eye blinders) like horses do. I need to go straight ahead, run with all my might and CONCENTRATION. I don't want to end up wailing at the side of the road for missing the finish line for the nth time.

Studying Korean. Completing pending office tasks. Finishing my UP requirements. Writing letters. Sending Christmas cards. Making a life birthday list. Paying my debts. Fixing my blog sites. Compiling and organizing my files. Shaking off love and complicated friendship concerns. Fulfilling broken promises. Loving God everyday.

There is sooooo much to do. I can't have the luxury of wasting more hours.

Time lost is life lost too.

Come on, Wennah, squeeze more efforts! You'll never know how much it would take to reach the finish line.

And you'll never know if you will still be breathing until the day you arrive at the much desired end.

Pagbabalik-loob

Bull's eye ako kanina sa preaching ni Pastor Kristen. Now, I'm rethinking about my relationship with God, my character formation these past years and His calling for me. Walang dudang sarili ko ang sinusunod ko sa buhay ko. Very bad...tsk, tsk, tsk!



Naku, ayoko na talagang mag-chaha: urong-sulong parati! Kailangan ko ng matinding pagdedesisyon at disiplina! Kaya ko ito!



Marami akong gustong ibalik sa sistema ng buhay ko. Una sa lahat, ang malapit na ugnayan namin ni God. Pangalawa, ang maging masayahing tunay. Pangatlo, ang magsulat at mangarap uli.